The Union with a Maiden – A Journey from Courtship to Marriage
Chapter 1: Choosing the Right Bride – Where Love Meets Logic
Gonardīya begins this section with practical wisdom on how a young man and his family should choose the right maiden for marriage. The focus is not on beauty alone, but on lineage, health, behavior, and character. A good bride should come from a respected family, show modesty, speak gently, and interact with elders respectfully.
For instance, imagine a Brahmin boy in Ujjain studying under his guru. The guru advises him to marry someone like Meenakshi, the daughter of a noble priest. She is known for her gentle voice, love for animals, and devotion to her household duties. The boy’s family discreetly observes her during temple festivals and community events. They also match horoscopes and inquire about her family’s history. This detailed observation shows how ancient love began not with haste, but with harmony and thoughtful matching—much like modern arranged marriages that prioritize long-term compatibility over instant attraction.
Chapter 2: Subtle Courtship – Silent Gestures of Love
Once the girl is identified, the man doesn’t approach her directly. Instead, he wins her attention through subtle, poetic gestures. Gonardīya describes how the suitor might walk by during her temple visits, sing softly within her hearing, or leave behind flower garlands and poems on her usual paths.
Take the story of a young merchant’s son in Varanasi. He notices Rajulā every morning at the market. Over time, he aligns his timing to hers and begins humming verses from famous love poems. One morning, he places a fresh lotus flower beside her basket with a small poem tied to it. She picks it up silently. A few days later, she starts humming the same verse. In a world where words were restricted, such subtle exchanges created a rich emotional language. It’s not so different from someone liking your social media post or replying with your favorite song lyric—those small signals of affection still thrive today.
Chapter 3: The Sakhi – The Wingwoman of Ancient India
In Gonardīya’s world, no love story progressed without the help of a sakhi, a trusted female friend or servant who acted as a go-between. The sakhi played an essential role in carrying messages, interpreting signals, calming fears, and planning secret meetups.
Consider Padmā, a clever sakhi who pretends to sell bangles to the girl while slipping in a hidden note. “Would your wrist accept this?” she asks, referring to the bracelet. “The boy says it brings luck.” If the girl replies coyly, “Then let fate decide,” Padmā knows the answer is yes. The sakhi not only builds the bridge between lovers but also tests the boy’s character. In today’s world, she is the best friend who sends the “I think he likes you” message and plans the casual group meetup that turns into a one-on-one conversation.
Chapter 4: Emotional Connection – When Hearts Begin to Speak
With the sakhi’s help, the lovers slowly begin to build emotional intimacy. Gonardīya emphasizes that the girl’s affection should be nurtured gently, without pressure. Love should be mutual, born out of understanding and shared secrets, not driven by urgency.
Devdatt, a poet, writes verses on palm leaves and sets them afloat down the river where the girl washes her clothes. She soon replies—not in words, but with symbolic drawings: a lotus (shyness), a swan (loyalty), and finally, two fish swimming together—symbolizing union. These silent messages create a deep emotional bond. This is the ancient version of 2 AM text messages, personal playlists, or hand-written notes—the slow but meaningful ways people still fall in love.
Chapter 5: Secret Meetings – Love in the Shadows
As feelings deepen, the lovers begin to meet in secret. Gonardīya paints these encounters as delicate, respectful, and filled with tension—not reckless passion. Common meeting spots included temple courtyards, behind banyan trees, or during festive crowds.
One romantic tale tells of a girl who slips out at night under the pretense of visiting a friend. Her lover waits under the banyan tree, playing a soft melody on his flute. They sit together silently, letting the moonlight and occasional touch of fingers say what words cannot. The sakhi watches nearby, ensuring their privacy. These moments, though brief, are filled with meaning. Even today, many lovers cherish quiet, intimate meetings in hidden places—places where time seems to pause.
Chapter 6: The First Union – The Sacredness of Consent
Perhaps the most progressive part of Gonardīya’s teaching is his insistence that the first physical union must be gentle, consensual, and respectful. It’s not just about desire—it’s about emotional readiness and mutual trust.
A girl invites her lover to her family garden during the spring festival. He brings her favorite scent—jasmine oil. They talk for hours, exchanging glances and memories. Finally, she reaches out and touches his hand. When she leans toward him, he knows she is ready—not because of his desire, but because of her choice. This moment is not about conquest; it’s about connection. Even today, the most meaningful intimacy happens when both hearts say “yes”—a message that is timeless.
Chapter 7: Formalizing the Love – From Lovers to Life Partners
Eventually, secret love must transition into a recognized partnership. Gonardīya explains various types of ancient marriages—from Brāhma (arranged with rituals) to Gāndharva (born out of love and mutual consent). He shows how a private bond can become a public union.
In one story, a girl’s father hears rumors and confronts her. She confesses her love openly and emotionally. Moved by her honesty, the father calls the boy’s family. They agree on a Gāndharva-style wedding under the full moon, surrounded by close friends and simple rituals. This is love transformed into tradition. In the modern world, we still see this pattern—secret relationships turning into family-blessed marriages. The heart chooses, but tradition seals the bond.
Conclusion: The Eternal Wisdom of Gonardīya
Gonardīya’s section of the Kama Sutra is not a manual for seduction, but a deeply human, spiritual guide to how love should be built—with patience, respect, and emotional depth. In today’s fast-moving dating culture, his teachings feel like a calm breeze—reminding us that the most lasting love is not rushed, but carefully nurtured.
Whether it’s exchanging glances at a temple or hearts connecting over late-night messages, the essence of love remains unchanged: it is delicate, courageous, and beautifully human.
